This week is the begining of a two part entry from someone I am so lucky to call my friend. When my day is rough, she is there to pick me up even if her day is just as bad. Her journey with thyroid cancer has been a rough one, but she came out swinging and is still here with us today to share her story. Make sure to come back next week for the second part of Seja's journey.
My name is Seja and this is my story...
I remember it like it was yesterday, it was July 10, 2011 to be exact. It was hot and I had just gotten out of the shower which was a lot of work considering that I was due to have my second daughter on the 17th of that month. I started to apply my makeup like I would any other day and..WHAT was that? I looked again and sure enough there was a large lump that moved with every swallow. Up and down like a deformed adams apple. I went on with my day and dealt with typical late stage pregnancy symptoms, exhaustion, swelling, leg pain, etc. 3 days later I was induced. I was in labor when I asked my OB to take a feel and tell me what he thought. He thought it was my thyroid or a lymph node. He told me to worry about having a baby right now. However, coming from a family that has been riddled with cancer of ever type, the most recent was that my dad had just been diagnosed with prostate cancer and losing my mom suddenly to liver caner in '07, I was sure of my demise. I tried to forget about it and the contractions surely helped with that. My daughter was born healthy and no complications, I was blessed. So, my OB returned to check me out and I talked to him about it again. He assured me that it could be pregnancy related but if by the time of my 6 week check up it was still there that he would refer me to someone. I remember making a joke about when I returned to his office in 6 weeks I wouldnt care about my lady parts because I would have a huge goiter. We laughed and I took home my baby girl.
In the next couple of weeks, as most of you mothers know, I was in a fog of round the clock breastfeeding and diaper changing. I had a colicy one and spent my days and nights swayinng and bouncing and anything to catch a few minute of sleep. So, finally in a clear moment I scheduled an appointment with my regular doctor. He felt it and said the same thing. Lymphnode or thyroid. I was scheduled for an ultrasound. My husband went with me to that ultrasound appointment and sat in the room with me. The tech told me that I had an "ugly thyroid." They found 4 nodules all measuring over 3cm. The radiologist came in and assured me that nothing looked serious and that it was probably benign. I remember Steven making him tell me that again. The radiologist turned to me and said "benign." I left feeling relieved. My Dr. called me the next day with a name of an endocronologist.
I called and went in. The 1st thing out of her mouth was "Whats the deal with your weight?" I was in shock. Now, I'm a large girl but I was only about 6 weeks postpartum and I had dropped all my babyweight and then some and was feeling pretty good about myself. Anyway, she asks me if I have fatigue, hair loss, etc. I laughed and said "Hell yeah, I just had a baby." I wasnot her biggest fan and she didn't really seem interested in anything that I had to say. Although, I had chalked all my symptoms up to pregnancy. She tells me about the uptake scan and then a biopsy. I left feeling FAT and defeated. So, the hospital called to schedule and I found out that I would have to stop breastfeeding to do the scan so I opted to go straight to the biopsy. I just gave birth how bad could it be, right?!
I went in for my biopsy. They biopsied all 4 nodules. For some time previously, I had some trouble swallowing. Having to double swallow to get food down and in general. My throat never seemed clear. I had chalked it up to carrying a baby and everything being backed up. After the biopsy my thyroid was pretty pissed off and I realized that that was the very sensaton that I had been having. I called the endocronologist and they scheduled me for about 10 days out. I remember telling a good friend of mine that they scheduled me pretty far out and his exact response to me was, " You don't have to worry unless they call and move you up." About an hour later the phone rang and my Dr. had an opening the following Monday, could I come in. My heart stopped.
I was never really comfortable in my endos office. The secretaries were always eating and their cell phones were ringing and it was just not a very professional enviornment. I showed up to my appointment with my crew, my husband, my 18 month old and my newborn. The nurse took me into the room, did my vitals and walked out, leaving a sheet of paper face up and within reach. There it was, my biopsy results. I picked it up and read it. I set it down and turned to my husband and said, "I have cancer." I remember the look on his face. His deer in headlight eyes to be specific. He regained composure and calmly said "you read it wrong" So, I read it to him. My endo finally came into the room and told me that she got my results and I said "I have cancer" She proceeded to tell me, in her nonchalant way, what was going to happen. I needed surgery. Surgery? I have never had surgery. I live in a small town and I asked for a referral to a university in Chicago.
I went home. I dont remember much of the days that followed. It was surreal. I didn't know how to tell people. I didn't know how to wrap my brain around it myself. I remember having thoughts like... I don't have time for this. I have 2 little girls. I can't inconvenience people. I can put this off for awhile. I was in denial.
It sank in slowly. I didn't talk about it much. I didn't let it consume my thoughts. Except for one night. I was sitting in bed with Steven and it was brought up. This was the only time that I allowed some of those dark thoughts to creep in. I had been keeping them at bay for so long. I cried. I really sobbed, Why me? Why now? What will happen to the girls if I am not here? What about Steven? I cried myself to sleep.
I was referred to a surgeon out of Loyola in Chicago. He was a great surgeon, with a great reputation, and a thyroid master. People traveled across states to see him. He restored my faith in the medical community. From his receptionist to his nurses to him. They were all so wonderful. He was so gentle with examination and the way he answered my questions and the way he handled my husbands hard hitting questions when it came to his experience and plans. I went into surgery 3 weeks later on October 21, 2011. It was supposed to be 3 hours and ended up being 5. I woke up. I woke up sore with a drain coming out of my neck. I was groggy for a bit but came to fairly quickly. I saw my surgeon who told me that it was pretty messy in there. I had more than just the 4 nodules that were on the ultrasound. He took lymphnodes all the way down into my chest. They discoved that I also had Hashimotos. He rubbed my arm and told me that he would see my in a week. They took my stitches and drain out the following evening. I was a little nervous with them taking my stitches out that quickly. I went home and continued to sleep sitting up for a week. My husband was wonderful. I couldn't lift anything. So, I had to have people with me at all times to lift the girls. I lost my ability to project my voice or to sing. I couldn't make silly voices or anything. I slowly regained those abilities over the next 3-4 months. It was hard.
My follow up with the surgeon was 10 days later. The bright side was that I got released to sleep laying down, I could take all my steri strips off, and I could shower without my cling wrap scarf. However, the pathology was in. My lymph nodes were cancerous as well and I needed RAI (Radioactive Iodine) ablation. My first shower with nothing on my neck was a little nerve wracking. I remember thinking that when I lean my head back to wet my hair that my head was going to fall off. I couldn't help bringing the scene from Beetlejuice into my mind. The one with the lady who has a slit throat and when she smokes the smoke comes out of the slit in her neck. Anyway, I digress.
I made my appointment with the radiologist oncologist. Oncologist? It hit me, again. I have cancer.
His office was wonderful. His staff treated me with the same compassion as the patients with advanced stage cancers. They treated me no less. We scheduled my RAI for after the holidays. He warned me that I would be pretty miserable and that he didn't want to do that to me through the holidays. I agreed. I swallowed my pill on January 10, 2012.
I stayed with my neighbors who are very dear friends. They had the perfect set up for someone who is radiating. I didn't have to uproot the girls but I did have to leave them. This was the hardest part of my journey and the year that has followed.
Grose!
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